Switch - Personal Experiences
Hmm. Well, if I'm going to sign myself Switchy, I guess I should sign on the dotted line.
I'm not particularly a pain/sensation player, I'm much more on the D/s side. Different women bring out very different things in me in that respect. There is something deep, almost meditative, in just giving it up and letting someone else control me, but there is also something very fun (although, in my case, not as deep) in putting a woman through her paces. There are a limited number of simultaneously genuinely nurturing and casually cruel women who just plain take me by the head, the gut and the balls, but not everything in life can be so deep.
As a top, I like to push someone, or see how far I can make her push herself. When I hear a woman say "I don't see how being submissive would ever be a turn-on", I take it as a challenge. It's amazing where you can take someone in three minutes, sometimes without even touching her. Quick example: a few years ago I got into a conversation with a woman friend (not a lover) about this while I was driving her through town, headed for dinner. She already had some notion of BDSM, but really just the physical stuff. "OK", I said, "here's the deal. I'm not going to touch you, and we can stop at any time." I gave her a safeword, made an innocuous remark or two, then asked her what kind of knickers she was wearing.
- She: "Oh, nothing very interesting…"
- Me: "OK, then take them off."
- She: "What?!"
- Me: "Take them off. You wanted to submit to me, take off the boring knickers."
- She: "Here, in the car?"
- Me: "Well, that would be much more discreet than if I stopped and had you do it on the pavement."
My, oh, my. Under 60 seconds and she was a squirming little ball for me to bounce.
As a bottom? For me, it's about letting go of control, of ego. It's about not making decisions unless I'm ordered to. It's about letting myself be taken, about a woman confidently using me for her pleasure or her whim. It's hottest with someone who can get as much from being in control as I can from letting go of it.
As I said above, bottoming goes deeper for me than topping. Even anonymously, I'm not that willing to write for strangers about what actual acts I do as a bottom. I will say: tease and denial, humiliation, and even some mild CBT, but sorry, folks, I'm not willing to share the details.
From either side, I like scenarios in which someone has to cooperate in their own submission: honour bondage, obedient cooperation in when and where one has orgasms, exhibitionism on command. Things that absolutely require you to give it over mentally as well as physically.