Doormat

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A mildly derogatory term for someone (normally but not necessarily, female) who is mistreated and put-upon.  A doormat is normally not happy with their life but will often not do anything to change it due to low self-esteem and perceived lack of options. A doormat is not a [[BDSM Roles|BDSM role]] but the term does crop up now and then in comparison.
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A mildly derogatory term for a type of submission. Such a person  (normally but not necessarily, female) takes no responsibility, even as a [[submissive]] or a [[slave]], in the realationship. Many are mistreated and put-upon.  A doormat is typically not happy with their life, but will often not do anything to change it due to low self-esteem and perceived lack of options. A doormat is not a [[BDSM Roles|BDSM role]], but the term does crop up now and then in comparison.
  
From an external, [[vanilla]] perspective, it can be confusing to realise the difference between a [[doormat]] and a [[sub]] or [[slave]].  Perhaps they both are spanked when their partner wishes, made to do tasks they would rather not, restricted in their behaviour and even speech. Fundamentally, the difference is one of willingness and [[Informed consent|consent]] (at some point - consent would normally be a once-off event for a slave).  Look closer and the differences become very much more obvious: the doormat is normally unhappy, not encouraged as a person, lacking in self-esteem; the [[Submissive|BDSM submissive]] is (on the whole - nobody's life is perfect) lively, happy with her/his lot, proud of her/his partner and full (often very full) of confidence.
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From an external, [[vanilla]] perspective, the difference between a [[doormat]] and a [[sub]] or [[slave]] can be easily confused.  Perhaps both are spanked when their partner wishes, made to do tasks they would rather not, restricted in their behaviour and perhaps even speech. Fundamentally, the difference is one of willingness and [[Informed consent|consent]] (at some point - consent would normally be a once-off event for a slave, though sometiems reaffirmed periodically).  Look closer and the differences become very much more obvious: the doormat is normally unhappy, takes no encouragment as a person, lacks self-esteem. In contrast, the [[Submissive|BDSM submissive]] is (on the whole, there being problems everywhere for everyone) lively, happy with her/his lot, proud of her/his partner and full (often very full) of confidence.
  
 
If you wonder if this [[lifestyle]] is for you, in whatever [[BDSM Roles|role]] but unable to tell the difference between [[doormat]] and submissive, you will do well to spend more time learning and [[Munches|meeting]] real people.
 
If you wonder if this [[lifestyle]] is for you, in whatever [[BDSM Roles|role]] but unable to tell the difference between [[doormat]] and submissive, you will do well to spend more time learning and [[Munches|meeting]] real people.
  
 
[[Category:BDSM]]
 
[[Category:BDSM]]

Revision as of 05:00, 28 July 2006

A mildly derogatory term for a type of submission. Such a person (normally but not necessarily, female) takes no responsibility, even as a submissive or a slave, in the realationship. Many are mistreated and put-upon. A doormat is typically not happy with their life, but will often not do anything to change it due to low self-esteem and perceived lack of options. A doormat is not a BDSM role, but the term does crop up now and then in comparison.

From an external, vanilla perspective, the difference between a doormat and a sub or slave can be easily confused. Perhaps both are spanked when their partner wishes, made to do tasks they would rather not, restricted in their behaviour and perhaps even speech. Fundamentally, the difference is one of willingness and consent (at some point - consent would normally be a once-off event for a slave, though sometiems reaffirmed periodically). Look closer and the differences become very much more obvious: the doormat is normally unhappy, takes no encouragment as a person, lacks self-esteem. In contrast, the BDSM submissive is (on the whole, there being problems everywhere for everyone) lively, happy with her/his lot, proud of her/his partner and full (often very full) of confidence.

If you wonder if this lifestyle is for you, in whatever role but unable to tell the difference between doormat and submissive, you will do well to spend more time learning and meeting real people.

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