Advice: Submissives
You should not read this hoping to find out what it is you like. You can read and find yourself thinking "that sounds good" or "I don't think I'd like that", but always try to keep an open mind as something that sounds good may not turn out to be, and something you don't think you'd like al all might get an inner response from you that you have no idea about as yet.
You are going to have to meet real people and interact with them (perhaps playing), but make sure you read up, or ask, how to do this safely. Whilst playing, it is true that the Dominant is formally responsible for your safety and condition, but no one could ever do so without information and your are responsible for providing that. Learn about SSC and RACK. Know what a Munch is. Find online discussion boards of interest.
Feeling lost is fine - this is not a cut-and-dried area to learn about, with lots of hints and views from childhood on. It's not like learning about cycling or fishing, but more like cooking: a very general and open-to-interpretation subject, with very individual tastes, although with some overall knowledge of what can work under what circumstances and what will never work.
Never fear asking questions. The only really stupid question is the one not asked.
Once you have been to a few munches, met a few people, or maybe you have gone on your first date bear the following in mind:
- if you haven't seen someone play, ask about them, or don't allow the situation to move quickly until you have an understanding of the person. Claims that you're 'not a true sub' unless you do this now are out of line.
- if you don't trust someone, don't play with them.
- if they appear drunk, don't play.
- it is ok to change your mind.
- you have the right to say 'stop'
- no-one knows better than you what you can take.
- It is ok to have a friend to 'spot' you in a public scene. They can watch to check you are coping.
- if you are meeting someone in private, make sure you arrange a safety-call
- be prepared for a reallly bad feeling like a drug come-down a few days after the event. (It's called sub-drop).
- if you need to talk, or some comfort after the scene, ask for it. Play does not end with the last flogger strike.
