Advice: Masters

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First off, you should read the article [[Master (BDSM)]] and [[slave]] to at least get a grasp on what each term means to you personally.  
 
First off, you should read the article [[Master (BDSM)]] and [[slave]] to at least get a grasp on what each term means to you personally.  
  
Although in the English language the term "Master" refers to one of expert status in their field of study, it carries no such meaning, neccessarily, in the BDSM community. That is not to say a Master is not an expert or trained, it just doesn't automatically denote that of a person.
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Although in the English language the term "Master" refers to one of expert status in their field, it carries no such automatic or certified meaning in the BDSM context. That is not to say that a Master is not an expert or trained, it must not be taken for granted.  
  
In this discussion, we'll be using the term Master as "One who Dominates over a submissive in a [[power exchange]] situation of some kind." An example of a mild interpretation being a specific scene where you are controlling the situation, to the extreme of owning a slave in a [[TPE|total power exchange]] relationship.  
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In this discussion, we'll be using the term Master as "One who Dominates a submissive in a [[power exchange]] situation." Of any kind. An example of a middle interpretation being a specific temporary scene where you are controlling the situation, an extreme interpretation being ownership of a slave in a [[TPE|total power exchange]] relationship.  
  
This discussion assumes that people can and do [[switch]] roles as well, and implies such role reversal is possible.
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This discussion assumes that people can and do [[switch]] roles as well, which is not always tryue. The implication is that such role reversal is possible, and it not uncommon; just not usual or typical.
  
 
== General Understandings ==
 
== General Understandings ==

Revision as of 16:30, 25 July 2006

Contents

What is a Master?

First off, you should read the article Master (BDSM) and slave to at least get a grasp on what each term means to you personally.

Although in the English language the term "Master" refers to one of expert status in their field, it carries no such automatic or certified meaning in the BDSM context. That is not to say that a Master is not an expert or trained, it must not be taken for granted.

In this discussion, we'll be using the term Master as "One who Dominates a submissive in a power exchange situation." Of any kind. An example of a middle interpretation being a specific temporary scene where you are controlling the situation, an extreme interpretation being ownership of a slave in a total power exchange relationship.

This discussion assumes that people can and do switch roles as well, which is not always tryue. The implication is that such role reversal is possible, and it not uncommon; just not usual or typical.

General Understandings

  • You are the Dominant one of the relationship.
  • Your partner is the submissive one.
  • You are capable mentally and emotionally to lead and guide.
  • Your partner is similarly capable to be led.
  • You practice safe, sane and consensual activities.

If you disagree with any of these ideas, you will find yourself either very confused, or people will be confused by you. If you disagree with all of these statements, you may wish to evaluate your thoughts on participating in this lifestyle altogether.

Responsibilities

In virtually all aspects of a scene, and in some cases entire lifestyle decisions, you bear the brunt of the responsibility of your slave. Having a keen grasp on your life, being responsible as a person, and understanding your limits are just some ideas one in the lifestyle equates with being a good Master.

Even if your submissive directs you in a scene (Topping From The Bottom) or you switch, realistically it is still your responsibility to be aware of their needs and desires, but their safety beyond all else, as long as you are the Master.

Being a good Master doesn't mean you are perfectly responsible in all aspects of your life either. You might be fundamentally challenged when it comes to keeping your finances in order, but that doesn't make you a poor Master. On the other hand, you might be the greatest boss at work, and be a horrible Master at home.

It should come down to the question "To what extent should I take responsibility over another human being's decisions." When you answer this question honestly, it will lend to a more objective outlook on negotiation with a submissive or slave.

Research

Your best bet as a beginner in the lifestyle, especially when faced with the prospect of a submissive interested in you, is to research your role as much as possible, as well as potential training techniques. Even if you are ten years in the lifestyle, learning a new tool or idea is always helpful.

You should consider training a submissive to be also training for yourself, regardless of your experience. You should always be willing to learn and be taught new aspects of the lifestlye.

One often times effective way to do this is to learn what IRC is and become a welcome guest at one of the thousands of chatrooms available on a plethora of topics. You'll find that as you explore these different worlds, that you will experience many different situations. Be the voyeur, sit back, and just observe. You will also find that you may have widely accepted fetishes you had no idea even existed, nevermind by like-minded people all over the world.

Not only that, as you interract with others, you will see how strangers percieve you. This could only assist you in developing your role playing skills, as well as develop as a Master. If people seem to be reluctant to talk to you online, or you are constantly shunned or banned from chatrooms, you might need to work on your communication skills before approaching a potential submissive.

Looking at the online community as a fantastic opportunity to learn about the lifestyle (rather than just a place to meet someone) is only advantageous to you and your future in the lifestyle.

Defining Your Role

It is between you and your slave to define roles and specific responsibilities before entering into any BDSM relationship. As the Master, it will be up to you to bring most of the negotiable items to the table. If you are too inexperienced to do so, or haven't done enough research to have an intelligent understanding of these things, it might be a good idea to step back and reconsider or reevaluate your expectations. You might have to tone things down a bit. You might even consider stopping any negotiations whatsoever until you can get a better grasp on things.

Expectations

Once you've at least become acclimated to the lifestyle, have expectations! You have every right to expect certain basics from anyone you choose to make a part of your lifestyle. Having expectations is not wrong in the least. Having unrealistic expectations is what gets most people into emotional upheaval and relationship problems.

For instance. You might expect that every single submissive you meet has the potential to be a slave to you and participate in TPE with you. This is a good example of having a highly unrealistic expectation. Chances are that you may indeed find a submissive willing to give some part of themselves to you. Expecting this, you will find, is unrealistic.

A more realistic expectation might be that every submissive you meet understand or at least grasp the concept of the English Language to the extent they can communicate effectively, especially if you meet them in an english speeking community and they are english speaking themselves. Expecting them to actually communicate to you their every waking desire and need immediately afer meeting you is highly unrealistic.

When meeting someone in a chatroom devoted to foot worship, for another instance, a realistic expectation is that that person might actually be into foot worship. It would be unrealistic to think they want to worship your feet in particular.

The Best Policies

Honesty!

  • Be honest with yourself, and by all means, be honest with your partner. If you've never tried something they wish to try, tell them! If something you are looking to try scares the bajeesus out of you, tell them!
  • The last thing you want to do is get involved in a scene involving something you have absolutely no clue about, to find out that someone's well being is in danger due to your negligent ignorance.

Communication!

  • The BDSM lifestyle often differentiates itself from vanilla relationships in the way communication plays such an important role. Negotiating, discussing, talking, and than doing it all over again; it's ongoing throughout a relationship.
  • Meeting someone who doesn't communicate effectively, or when it seems appropriate, should be looked at with a great deal of skepticism. If they don't communicate well now, how will they do so under stress of a scene and you are trying to determine their mental or emotional state?

Intensity!

  • Is the level of intensity what you expect? Too much? Too little?
  • Increase the chances of having a mutual beneficial level of intensity by communicating honestly with your partner.

Other Advice

Avoid role erosion. As the dominant partner, it is your responsibility to either make sure the relationship is healthy, or terminate it if it does not meet the partners' needs.

External Resources

fun but may also stir some thoughts and might be a way to introduce the idea to your partner)

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